Where do I begin…..

I have been trying to get into a normal routine since my post-op surgery and recovery phase. I returned home on March 22, 2017, but I was still doing extensive home IV therapy treatment that lasted through the month of April. My determination to put the chordoma saga behind me has been very challenging. I stopped journaling because I wanted a break from thinking about having a chordoma. It has been a headache (literally). I have not wanted to place any focus or thought on how I got bushwhacked by a very uncommon spinal tumor. I have been full-force, dealing with it for the last year, and it is not over.

Part of getting my abnormally-normal life back meant returning to the dance class that I love so much. The last time I had danced was December 31, 2016, the day I found out about the skull based tumor compressing on my brain. I looked at my phone in the middle of class that Saturday, New Year’s Eve, and I saw a missed call from my doctor. Needless to say, I knew he was calling about the MRI results from the brain scan I had done the day prior. I walked out of dance class, made a few phone calls, cried a little, and my fight began.

In May I attempted to start dancing again. I attended one class, but became concerned about whirling and flipping around a pole with the possibility of landing on my head. Considering I am known for being a graceful, delicate flower, a slight mishap was not totally out of the question. I had lost 20lbs since surgery, I was anemic, weak, and utterly bummed out that my strength was not back to the way it was prior to my dance hiatus. I was not ready to include dancing in my daily regimen.

Up until January 1, 2017, I had never had anything occur in my life that senselessly knocked me on my ass for a long period of time. Roller derby knocked me on my ass many o’times, but that was to be expected. I was used to being able to bounce right back immediately after mishaps took place.

I disliked being down and was determined to get my freedom back, especially since I started to have constant, daily headaches that had me eating Tylenol and Ibuprofen as if they were the only items that I stocked in my cupboard. I felt trapped by my pain and weakness. I made the decision to get working on my bucket list instead. I started to think about not wanting to have any regrets, and I did not want to wait until it was too late to act on the things I aspired to do in this lifetime.

It was 4:29am on May 20, 2017, and I could not sleep. It just so happened, the night before I had the TV on while I was cooking dinner. National Geographic was airing an episode about Lek Chailert, the founder of Elephant Nature Park in Chiang Mai, Thailand. I was glued to the TV watching one of my heroes, Lek Chailert, share her life-story about opening an elephant sanctuary and rescuing elephants. She went against the village norm by being an independent woman and saving the lives of what the surrounding villagers used for profit. Elephants in captivity are a huge income source for entertainment, working, logging, and tourism. I will bypass the inhumane treatment part and how baby elephants have their spirits broken to be used in such ways. Lek has been very courageous to stand up for elephants and provide a safe-haven for many mistreated, abused, and gravely injured majestic creatures to live out their remaining years in a peaceful and safe environment.

National Geographic did a beautiful job capturing the loving bond shared between Lek and the elephants. It was obvious the elephants recognized her as someone very special, and it was heart-warming to see how affectionate the elephants were as if showing immense gratitude. Elephant Nature Park was undoubtedly on my bucket list of places to visit. Since I was unable to sleep that night, I opened my computer, and without putting too much thought into it I booked a 2-week trip to volunteer at Elephant Nature Park in Chiang Mai, Thailand.